| everyday is a ______ day |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|01:20 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | the fray/never say never | ] |
1. slept in, as usual. Feels great.
2. Going to watch ayg track at bishan stadium. Call me cheesy/no life/boring but i like the rush i get from watching everyone hyped up at the track. It's been so long since i did anyth competitive on the track.
3. watching it with my previous windsurfing coach ms naomi, who's the nicest sweetest most positive woman you'll ever meet.
4. Prolly enjoy myself today, not thinking about a boy but getting carried away with the ayg.
5. Going to winnie's birthday tonight with all the familiar faces i see everynight before i sleep, but this time under another roof. To just sit down, eat good food and talk cock as usual sounds predictable but rewarding.
6. Basically i'd just be having a good day today.
& i'm not upset or anyth today, which is good.
Hope this lasts & doesn't fizz out in 24 hours time. |
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| where were you |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|09:29 pm] |
This is bitter & rusty, i tell you now that logic breaks your heart. I'd like a more human dimension to associate with but who am i to declare. You're a generous supply, shape-shifting & radical. Lace on a corset pulled too tight. Maybe you'd hate to carry my personal feelings, but i wouldn't want to put them on you anymore. I might inadvertently exude an air of some sweetheart of the graveyard shift; but someone's not talking much. |
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| cucumbersome? |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|09:05 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | table | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | christina/wanted | ] |
hearing muttons' song about gg back to school
cracked me up for two minutes.
1.winnie
2.leon
3.douglas
4.faris
1. shit i miss winnie why'd she have to go home? WINNIE TEXT ME WHEN YOU READ THIS?
2. Studying habits have improved drastically, thank you leon, well, for just being you & studying so much, i stupid you.
3. discussing a rly important issue with douglas rly made me laugh today, with his final statement as, 'congratulations you've just graduated from douglas's school of wanking.' (no i did not ask him HOW i can wank, i asked him how different guys did it. Haha dad i know you read this)
4. i hope you're feeling better faris/manslut, & cant wait to see queenie.
I'm telling you, i'm perfectly fine & i don't want to be studied & given a conclusion about who & how i am. |
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| if a picture |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|07:28 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | escape the fate/ situations | ] |
yknow, i could just be starting to hate you alot? Just that it's buildup?
& these little words that you forgot that you said, are gna follow me for a long time. I bet you don't even remember how you behave during those moments.
I'm rly gna leave livejournal soon, this thing is pissing me off works. |
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| nothing you can do to make me love you more |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|03:32 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | tell me | ] |
getting up for sch today was rather difficult if not almost impossible. Managed to fry my brains today with one chapter of bio which we haven't covered, but i figured when leong starts on it i'd get totally lost anyway.
wakeup, text, sch, tiger, baby, sleep, gym, brainfry, sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day.
i will sleep now.
To you, you & you:
1.there's no one who's more afraid of ____ than i am
of her.
2.this is why people don't talk about what they think might be a problem. cause when you can't fix it, you get upset.
3. i didn't want to talk to you last night anymore because i knew one more minute with you at the table & i might just hurt you. |
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| i'm not going to |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|09:20 pm] |
i'm not going to tell you, you, you & you anything ever as of now.
I'm not going to.
For better or for worse. I'm not going to.
i'm not even going to continue this post. |
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| wordpressing |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|10:04 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | taylor swift/white horse | ] |
going to switch to another domain, maybe wordpress for more personal thoughts cause livejournal doesn't cut it for me anymore.
Today's beein tiring/draining/exhausting/you name it. Sch starts tmrw. I will be fine like i always have been. My tiger-like heart can be delicate but tiger will grow and so will my heart's strength.
Can't wait for sch, can't wait for training, can't wait for distraction.
Did i mean anyth? Or did i just not mean enough.
Who's gna go with me to carrefour and ikea now? Tell me. |
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| a whole new world |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|07:23 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | blank | ] |
tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide?
I forgot that i knew how to play this song until i remembered that you liked it.
'don't you have any friends you can talk to about this?'
'No. They'd just say 'we told you so' which was quite true.
God.
Rmb the first night we talked? And you told me to be careful cuz no matter what i was gna be risking my heart.
And i denied right. I said i could handle myself.
Haha well what a fucking joke cuz look at me now. ' |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|05:19 pm] |
i'm on a fast car, don't know where i'm going.
Dont look back in anger.
This isn't negative energy, or someth that you can't fix anymore.
You know me better than what i'm about to write. So i won't livejournal anymore. |
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| grandeur |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|12:41 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | table | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | brainjuice overload | ] |
falling in love isn't someth we can easily explain.
Who among us can describe the mysterious & powerful urge to pursue another person's affection? Words just don't do it justice. Defining romance is like trying to capture the grandeur of the Grand Canyon with a disposable camera. No matter how many snapshots you take, your attempts fall short.
'when you're close emotionally, you give away part of your heart. There are long-term consequences.'
Had his feelings for her change? Not at all. But he realised he couldn't be guided by just his feelings. He had to act on principle & do what was in his & her best interest. He couldnt do whatfeltright; he had to do whatwasright.
It makes complete sense to me now. How the r/s between romance & wisdom is like one between a string & a kite. Romantic love is the kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads for the sky; wisdom is the string that tugs tonwards. The tension is so bloody damn real, but healthy.
There're times when the kite feels so fucking tied down by the fucking string. 'if the string let go of me, i could fly rly high'. Yet w/o the string holding it in the face of the wind, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground.
It's like windsurfing. When a stupid brainless git maneuvers the sail without any wind directional knowledge, all hell breaks loose. Which reminds me of how i was when i started with windsurfing. One moment you're moving, the next the sail throws you into the water. More like slaps you hard, drowns you down. With any (bad) luck the hardest, metal part of the sail (boom or mast) smashes against your head too because you're so blind in the water & everyth's happening so fast, you don't get to defend yourself from the oncoming fmo.(flying metal objects)
In the same way, romance w/o wisdom will soon take a nosedive. Everyth becomes selfish, indulgent, & even idolatrous. i'd put my hand up to say that most people i know have been in r/s like that.
It rly sucks to realise this that it's not enough to simply have romantic feelings cause damn, ANYONE can do that. Long lasting romance needs practical, common-sense wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher & when to pull back. When to express my emotions & when to keep quiet(this is like WOAH slap in my combination skin face). When to open our hearts & when to reign them in.
My biggest mistakes in r/s were all almost the result of impatience.
I kinda figured that a rush in romance is so bloody, unfairly intoxicating.
Before any two stupid teenagers pour their heart out to each other, thinking that it's young love, believing that following their hearts is what's best. Long grandparent stories & excuses we can all give for our childish follies, especially when we get heartbroken at the end.
I've been there. & i dont want to go back there again. |
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| for just thirteen minutes |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|12:09 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | table | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  silly | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | les plastiscines/mr driver | ] |
today i woke up feeling rly fked. Unwanted, okay, unEXPECTED visitors who were actually just doing their job dropping breakfast for me, who ended up borrowing my phone to make phone calls back to malaysia & playing with little sleeping tiger, rly bad muscle aches(funny uh, not like i went training, must be the squats i did on impulse) & a rly sulken mood after everyth that happened last night.
So i did what i was best at. Whine to faris. Together we both whined. I had my issues, he had his. We were't listening to each other much, just letting out anger in a common way therefore enabling the conversation to last.
five minutes later after watching tiger+baby sleep in cute uncatlike humane ways,which humoured me quite a bit, it just hit me.
Like a meteoroid hit that girl in monsters vs aliens(god i love bob man!).
I'm not going to be unhappy. I told faris i wanted to lie in bed the entire day and feel horrible. Well suck it cuz i'm not going to spend my sunday all nua & unproductive, on top of feeling distraught.
To be honest it feels better trying to feel better, than to swim in my little pity pool.
I'm going to be happy today, i'm going to compromise situations to remain happy today, i'm not going to go look for trouble or tear-jerking events, & i'm going to achieve something even as little as conquering hitler.
This feels foreign, but i like how it feels anyway. |
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| video killed the radio star ar ar |
[Jun. 27th, 2009|11:33 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  like veg | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | in my radio in my car ar ar ar | ] |
me> 'idk, i miss him until my heart aches. Normally it'd just itch but now it aches._.
Zara>OMG he(j)'s online bri!
me and zara communicate on totally different paths but we still love each other. |
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| you're taking quite long, unexpectedly. |
[Jun. 27th, 2009|11:19 am] |
| [ | at |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | bread/if | ] |
my morning was nylon, hershey sticks & distraught texts from someone. Staring at sophia boutella's nike ad, hitting thesartorialist(again,) & waiting for someone to wakeup.
Winnie went home ytd, finally. Now i miss my roommate):
why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why(is my hair taking so long to grow) ? |
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| and heart is daft |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|08:07 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | table | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | taylorswift/love story | ] |
without understanding any pain but that
Which inside her anyway is made,
This creature singled out creates
Havoc with intelligence. & heart is daft,
Is some crazy bird let loose & blind
That slaps against the night & has
Never anywhwre to go. & when tongue's
About to speak some nonsense like
'love is weak, or blind, or both', then comes
This crazy bird, pecks at it like a worm.
She might have said, if words
Were more her medium than touch:
'near you is one
Frighteningly real who cannot plan;
Whose heart's a cat from which
Your habits dart like birds;
Who had no weight until you gave
False lust & words like 'lost'
. |
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| psychological phenomenon |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|05:29 pm] |
| [ | at |
| | table | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | playing |
| | neyo/mad | ] |
so my mum just totally had to text me, asking me why i keep saying that he's such a great friend, because apparently i had 'never said that about a guy' before. Which kinda stings because i'd have to reply, 'because he is a good guy what.'
But i think i kinda lost it, & the aching of my sprained ankle didn't help much so i just went, 'simple, mum. We like each other, we just can't commit to a r/s cuz no one's ready & as if that doesn't stab me hard enough in my little pumping heart, my mother laughed. |
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| burning like a candle |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|09:46 am] |
some say when you sleep unhappy, you wake up unhappy. Vice versa when you sleep happy, no?
I'm so glad we didn't go to bed mad at each other. |
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